Saturday, August 23, 2008
afraid that i will stop blogging? like the previous blogs? nah.. i think i would treat this as a online diary, since i am too lazy to begin writing one. it might be a good thing as i can improve my English. ^^ okay now back to the topic i want to mention. hahas. it is quite personal. =Xjust one day before, i was with YC going to popular to get a silver marker. and guess what? i met a GHOST. not a real ghost, but someone i call as ghost. hahas. since i am not wearing my spectacles, i could only see people at a specific radius. (their shape and expression closely) if it is too far, all i see is a blurry figure or you could say just colours. people might wonder whats my degree to be able to see without my spectacles. in fact it is currently increasing, because as the days pass, the specific radius i could see is shrinking. going back to the topic, ghost apparate into my radius. i was flabbergasted. at that moment, my heart skipped a beat. as he approaches towards us (we were crossing a road), i could feel my face turning hot. unexpectedly, he said HELLO. actually i could not hear anything, i was too concentrated staring at the flawless face, therefore to me he was mouthing the word HELLO. besides this, he added a killer smile after saying hi. (may be only able to kill me? hahas). i did not know what to do, may be it was due to the unexpected occurrence(phenomenon) or may be the invisible cut starts to hurt again. unwittingly, i said a high pitch BYE! i am so stupid. does this word sound like i hate to see him? may be it had a little of i don't want to see you accent(because it hurts) but i was actually very glad and happy that fate allow us to meet(even though we are not meant to be). after the cross fire between him and I, i was telling YC that how i wished we walked another route or it was such a bad time and i hate it. i think i did i even curse the day? hahas. she said she was a jinx for this thing and thus i started to blame her (Sorry YC). but i was not her fault at all. it was just - fate. after much cursing, i realised that the feelings are resurfacing. burdening it was painful memories. it is because the immense feelings i had for him caused the enormous hate towards him, that had me say bad things for him. even though i said it he was mean and stuffs, i knew that it was so as to cover or hide or even prevent me for falling into the pit further. i am sorry. but i am selfish, i am afraid of pain too. but there is one thing i realise, after not seeing him closely for 1.5 months due to examinations and him seating behind, the feelings subsided, but the moment i saw him it came back. thus i have to prevent myself from seeing him so to stop the feelings. however i contradict myself. i want to see him , i want to be talk/laugh with him and obviously i want to be his friend knowing that it will be even more painful. but i guess as a selfish person i need to be punish, thus i need to withstand it all! YUP! because i had pain with losing a friend so i rather not lose a friend due to this reason. dont worry im trying to move on(anticipate change and stay relevant) so if any chance that ghost saw this post, i would be embarrased but i hope he would be less worried or not afraid to be near me. oh ya! thanks for being better/kinder to me. at least this make me know that i had been a part of your journey in life, even though it is i am just a minor role. THANK YOU=) [really thanking with all my heart]after not seeing him for a long time(anyway i am not a stalker=P), i also notice that he had grown even taller (congratulations) and that his hair had grown longer =X (time for a haircut!) this lines a bit no link. hahas =x cause above is all EMO words ya? i need to type it out, to release all of it. i hope you guys dont mind.=X i also realise my reaction with kaka is totally opposite. hahas. she is filled to the brim with joy, while mine is contaminated with a mixture of feelings. ^^ps. it is fate that allow us to meet, but it is destine that me and ghost are not meant to be=)
8/23/2008 09:23:00 PM
